I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
