So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
