and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
