i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
