Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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