I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
40s are totally the cure
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
