I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
