wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
