theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
