Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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