Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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