I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
