I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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