How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
