I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
