I met the friendliest cop last night
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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