I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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