Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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