my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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