woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
