dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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