We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
