Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
