How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
