Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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