take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
