I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
