So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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