I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
