I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
