Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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