So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
