I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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