a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
