I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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