I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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