i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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