Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
