How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
