I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
