he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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