I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He shit in the fireplace
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
