remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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