apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
