Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
