the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
one might say we're banned from that church
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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