Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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