just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
