I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
