its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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