Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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