Ambien. No doubt about it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
