She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
