So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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