Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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