you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
