yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
