I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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