He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
