Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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