apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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