im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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