My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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