I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
well you can't waste a boner
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
