Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
