she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
