I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
